Archive for the ‘cheese’ Tag

What is Analogue Cheese?

Not a question I expect to be asking myself on a Sunday night.

But browsing the freezer of your nearest cornershop tends to leave you with a basketful of questions. Or, at worst, spectacularly poor answers.

This San Marco pizza presented the answer to a question I never dreamt I’d ask. What is analogue cheese?

“Deep pan pizza topped with analogue cheese, reformed ham, mushrooms and mozzarella cheese.”

You can add another question to that list. Who are San Marco pizza? They were offloaded by Heinz in 2003 and picked up by Northern Foods sometime after that. The rest is mystery.

But Google analogue cheese and you get a quick, cheery answer:

[Update: European Foods appear to have cleaned up this page since I took the screengrab.]

“Cutting your costs, building your profits”? That sounds a bit like industry salespeak now, doesn’t it…

Delightfully, it is. Not only do companies seem bound to state analogue cheese as an ingredient on their packaging, but muppets are running their online shop.

The manufacturer might want to “emulate cheese” and “imagine the savings!”, but the consumer will do a little sick in the back of their mouth at the sight of this thinly-stretched masquerading imposter.

And it’s top of the SEO pops for the term ‘analogue cheese’.

A victory for online transparency?

Or does it just beg another question – what is digital cheese?

More Bad Language: Dogs Down the Sh*tter; P*ssed Kids Film Drivers; Give Chihuahuas A Little F*cking Respect.